Millennial Marriage: Proper Wedding (Guest) Etiquette
Planning a wedding takes A LOT of intense work & an immense amount of stress. Between choosing your dress, picking a venue, picking a bridal party, and every little detail in between, it can be extremely daunting trying to please everyone who will be there witnessing the most amazing day of YOUR life.
There’s one keyword in that last paragraph that I’m hoping all my brides (and grooms) to be noticed. This is YOUR day - not anyone else’s. Of course, you want your guests to feel welcomed & leave with a lasting impression, but trying to please every single request is just not possible.
When my husband and I were planning our wedding, we experienced this too (so annoying). We chose to get married on a Friday evening because for us, it was financially what we could afford (side note: Thursday / Friday evenings & Sunday’s are typically cheaper. ALSO check for ‘off-season’ rates as well. Not every venue follows that, but some do!)
Partying with our crew.
With having the wedding on a Friday though, the complaints & questions came rolling in like a bad winter storm. “Why would you get married on a Friday?” “Um, I have work that day…” (OK- so don’t come?) Plus, we did mention way ahead in advance when the actual date was going to be PLUS sent out Save The Dates. What struck me as funny is that the people who questioned OUR decisions weren’t the ones even offering to pay for anything. Not that your guests have to pay for your wedding, but when it’s immediate family with all these special requests, it gets a little upsetting.
I’ve been hearing more and more lately that brides and grooms are paying for their own weddings and I give them extra props because that’s what we did and trust me it was no easy feat. Aside from that, I also learned that there are many rules to be followed when you are the GUEST of a wedding. I have put together a few questions that you should NEVER ask a bride (or groom) before their wedding. Not only is this what I like to call, ‘proper wedding etiquette,’ but it’s also just common decency.
1. “Can I Bring a Plus One?”
Ugh - this is a tough one, but we decided that unless you have been with your significant other for a significant amount of time, it was a no go. You don’t need your weird uncle bringing another one of his excursions to your wedding for a free meal and free drinks. We followed the “No Ring, No Bring” rule and it worked out great.
2. “I Can’t Find a Babysitter - Can I Bring My Kids?”
Sorry, but no! Don’t get me wrong, we both LOVE children and cannot wait to have our own someday. However, when you spend an exceptionally large amount of money, you tend to want it to stay elegant and classy and having children running around screaming kind of takes away from that. If you have young kids in your bridal party, ask their parents to arrange for a sitter to come and pick them up. This is my personal opinion, but I just feel like weddings aren’t really a place for children anyway between the drinking and the expensive decor. Parents - you deserve a night alone! GET A SITTER! It’s also a good idea to try and keep it 21 & over. Especially if you have a lot of relatives that are teenagers, you don’t want them drinking & getting drunk.
3. “So, Are You And Austin Happy?”
No, we’re miserable and that’s why we’re getting married. Seriously?! What kind of a question is that? Of course, we’re happy, that’s the entire reason why you’re all gathered here today!
4. “Can I See Your Dress?”
Again, no. Aside from your bridal party because typically they will go with you to pick it out, the first person to see you in your dress is your husband. What happened to the element of surprise, people?
5. “Oh, You’re doing This? Well, We Did That….”
And that is amazing! But again, this is a comment that is better left unsaid. Couples have put a lot of thought of how they envision their wedding day, and unsolicited comments such as this can really upset them.
6. “Are You Going To Have Kids Right After The Wedding?”
I mean, not right after the wedding. They typically take 9 months to cook anyway. No, but really it’s really none of the anyone's business as to when you plan on starting (if you even want to) a family. Keep in mind that this question can be taken as insensitive for those couples who are struggling to even get pregnant. Here’s a little tip: When they announce their pregnancy, then you’ll know when they’re starting a family!
Please remember that when two people get married, it’s all about them and the life they are starting together - not you and what you want. They get one day and they deserve your love and your blessings - not your complaints and anguish. Just put a smile on your face and respect all of their decisions. Trust me, they’ll be happier and you’ll be content.